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Kaylyn

[ website | My Website ]
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[07 Sep 2006|05:19pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Here is another day i've skipped class. lol

But I had a reason, I went down to Shepherd U cause I'm intrested in transferring because HBC really just isn't working out for me like I thought it would.. I'm considering dropping out after this term and then going to get a full-time so i have some money to myself and to help pay for  college, cause I want to live on campus to get out of dads " YOUR MY LITTLE GIRL " ways, and because parking sucks down there.  But i don't know, I'll have to see what happens.

Saturday is 1 month, and it really just kicked in on what it was. I've been thinking about Brian alot lately, but it never kicked in why. Infact, I walked into MHS today to get my transcripts and I was expecting to see him walk around the corner and hug me. My stomach was in knots when we were pulling in. And I even asked Mrs. Warnfeltz how eveyone did on the first day of school with everything that had happened.  

Anyway, I need to get off that subject before I get upset.

Marleys car ran out of brake fluid.. talk about fun, lol.. Her brakes were going out and everything.. so it sucked.

Gah, I don't know.. If anyone knows of any full-time jobs in Martinsburg, feel free to tell me..


" Sunny days seem to hurt the worst.. "

Open your mouth.

[02 Sep 2006|10:56pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Today was just nothing but pure shit.

It was discusting outside, and then I come to find that someone has gotten into my banking account and stolen 100.00 from my account and they gave me an overdraft fee from it. Fucking amazing, I love it.

Michael went to a WVU game and in the course of going there was a shooting a Shepherd University.. which happens to be michael school. So needless to say I was freaked. A father shot his two sons, who were 26 and 24, then he shot himself.. all three are dead. 

Amazing, how life just can be turned upside down in a matter of a day.

Open your mouth.

[01 Sep 2006|10:23pm]
People really piss me off. 

Kid who goes by Ryan Butts.. Bitches that he cant go on anymore cause he doesn't have the will to go on anymore, So I tell him straight out he's a panzy and that there are people that should be here but aren't, and then there are people like him who bitch out of life when it gets hard.. and he likes to bring up the fact that i used to cut my wrist when I was 12. I was fucking 12, And yes..  I was young and stupid and emo.  I'm fucking 18 now.. and I won't lie and say i didn't do it, but I was stupid and young and I pushed on with my life, and i'm even going thru a tough time now, but Brian's strength is what keeps me going and keeps me strong, I refuse to be a little depressed bitch.  


There are people out there 10x's worse off then him.. and worse off then myself, but they continue to push on with life and take it with everything that comes with it.
Open your mouth.

[01 Sep 2006|03:59pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I guess I need somewhere to write again.

I truely do have some of the most amazing friends.. And I say that whole heartedly.

Hard times have came and I've managed to stay strong thru them, which when it comes down to it.. I'm not as strong as everything believes.  A dear friend of mine was killed on his 16th birthday ( August 9th ).  I remember vividly looking at a text saying " Brian died last night " and I remember I started to hyper-venalate and my first thought was that it was a sick joke. But right as I got the text, I had also gotten a voicemail from my friend Cory. I remember the whole thing " Hey kaylyn, It's cory.  I was looking at Brian's myspace and I saw that you were on his top friends, and I wasn't sure if anyone had told you or not but Brian was killed last night in a drunk driving accident. I'm sorry to have to tell you that, but I'll talk to you later. " That was the point where it all became real. It was 11:36am and I was in class when I had gotten the call, but I left class and thats when I saw the text. I had gotten everything at 12:11pm and Marley was hugging me and I told her to take me back to the college so I could tell my teacher what had happened and why I wasn't going to be attending class.  

As much as I want to block everything out of everything that had happened from that point on, it doesn't work.  I still try and assure myself that he's here and I'll get another 2am call from him and i'll hang up and he'll call me right back. But I guess slowly I'm realizing it won't happen.  

I guess dealing with Kelly's death a year ago has helped me be able to be strong thru this, but I remember after everything was said and done, I swore up and down that it wouldn't happen again and that I wouldn't go back to another funeral. I almost thought that I wasn't going to have too. 

I know that I'm going to be writing alot about Brian, I mean he was such an amazing person and amazing friend. I guess you never realize how much you care for someone until they're gone..

Open your mouth.

[11 May 2006|10:24am]
One year later..and everything still hurts like hell.
Open your mouth.

[06 May 2006|02:22pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did, and how I hope to God he was worth it
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie, you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat
No no no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster!

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?

So I guess we're back to us, so cameraman swing the focus!
In case I lost my train of thought where was it that we last left off?
Let's pick up pick up

Oh now I do recall, we just were getting to the part
Where the shock sets in and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick
I hope you didn't expect to get all of the attention
Let's not get selfish, did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus?

Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster!

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?

Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster!
Let's get these teen hearts beating faster

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie, you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat
No no no you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster faster!

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
(And hold a lover close)

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster!
Let's get these teen hearts beating faster



Justin comes home in 4 days. =] after 4 months I'll finally get to see him again, and hopefully things will good when he gets back.  But either way I know that I'm extatic about him coming back.. But I won't be able to see him till Thursday because his flight doesn't leave till  5:30pm.. and I have no idea how long the flight is from Texas to here.

2 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

[01 Apr 2006|05:51pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Meh, I really fucking miss my boyfriend. =[ And I'm really honestly tired of dealing with Michael's bullshit. I'm so tired of hearing him say " You know he's cheated on you down there. " and so on.. It hurts me so much because I just need support while he's gone. My dad already says I'm immoral for hanging out with boys while he's gone, but I don't hang out with them and do anything with them. it's just the fact that I pretty much have nothing but male friends but I have hung out with Marley pretty much the whole time Justin's been away. But I just am really ready to have my boyfriend back in my life. But then again, as bad as it sounds.. I don't want him to come back, because the next day is Kelly's one year and I'm not ready for that to come. I haven't excepted the fact she's gone, and I don't want too and I know with her 1 year I really will know that she is gone. And I notice the closer it comes to May 11th, the more I talk about her, the more I daze off and think about her, and just sit alone. I even go to her journal.. Why, I don't know. I know everytime I look at it, it makes me want to die but I just do. I've came to the realization that I honestly would trade my life just for her to come back, even if it were for a minute, I would trade my life and not want it back.. because I want her to come back and see how we miss her and see how her parents love her.. I would love for them to have a minute with her, just so she could say she was doing okay and she was happy where she is. But honestly, I don't know if she really is doing okay or if she really is where she wants me to be.. and I think that's really why I have no closure on the situation, and I know that no matter what I really will never have closure on it. I told my friend Brittany that I would love to just have a dream and see her and just have her say " You know what, I am okay..I'm happy and I am really where I want to be at." I think that would give me all the closure I would need. I would probably wake up and cry but I know it would all be okay. Like I said, that's why I'm so wierd.. because I don't know whats happened with her. I mean I look at it as she's laying in the ground.. and her soul is still in there, because for some reason I just can't all the way believe that there is such a thing as a heaven or a hell.. and that's a scary thought. I don't want to think that but I have no other way of thinking.. you know? *sigh*

Open your mouth.

[27 Mar 2006|05:10pm]
So I pretty much slept all day. I woke up not feeling to hot so I figured I may just want to stay home. And that was pretty much my entire day. I still feel crappy and I miss justin. but then again, What else is new ?
Open your mouth.

[25 Mar 2006|01:07pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

So my baby is coming home in 47 days =] I'm so excited, I'm ready to see him.
I'm ready for all of this shit to go away that I'm in. And when I see him, it'll be gone.

Open your mouth.

[25 Mar 2006|11:19am]
It still hurts when I get on this thing..
Open your mouth.

[26 Jun 2005|12:00pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Haha.. Jess and I are very random when we have nothing to do.

 

Especially at ..12am. =)

2 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

Goodbye. [11 May 2005|09:18pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Final post ever.  Now when I look at this site it makes me wanna cry.

So Kelly committed suicide. and I am devistated, so is tyler. but I guess physically for the situation we're ok.. but mentally we're pretty gone, me and him are barelly talking to anyone.

When I was outside crying, I was saying damn her.. damn her for doing this.

I know i shouldn;t have said that but the fact is i did, and I am mad at her for killing herself. she didnt need to do that to herself and now we never get to see her again..I think the reality won't sink for awhile.. i still can't grip the fact shes gone. I don't know.. I feel so numb.. I miss her..

Kelly Knupp.. May 11th, 2005.. 2 weeks prior to your graduation you left us with a shot from a 44. I'm sorry you felt to necessary to do that, and we will forever miss you.. you're family, friends, all of us.. we love you.. I wish I could say " Come back home " and that would be the end of the pain.. but the fact is that doesn't work.. so We love you, Tyler loves you, Jenn loves you, and I love you.  Rest In Peace. 

3 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

[03 Apr 2005|09:17am]
Keep this fucking thing up to date is getting to be a fucking pain.
2 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

[31 Mar 2005|01:18am]
[ mood | crazy ]

Stole it from Britt because it's 1 something in the morning and i'm bored.. and I ♥ her Collapse )

2 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

[30 Mar 2005|03:11pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

I don't want to go to the neurologist..
I don't want to hear what he has to say..
I may have to be admitted into the hospital, but that's only an extreme.
But still.. This would be easier if Mike was here.

Open your mouth.

Major update [26 Mar 2005|05:57am]
[ mood | calm ]

Time to make like a major major major update..

Alright, so I'll start out with what my last entry was.. Jacobs mom didn't make it.  I was on here typing up a paper for Mr. Crawley Woods to turn in and apparently Jen called the house and told tyler his Jakes mom died, it defintly hit me bad. Her funerals on Monday at 2:30pm.  I think Jen's going.. I think I am too, I told tyler he should go over with me and he told me no because it's a family thing.. and as soon as he said that it made me feel like I shouldn't even go over so now i'm reconsidering going.  I dunno, I think I'm looking for a reason to get scared and not go.. for so long i've avoided going to funerals and viewings because the whole thought of death scares me..I dunno.. it's just somehting you have to be in my shoes to understand how I feel and why I say the things I say.. I dunno, ok NEW TOPIC lol

Yesterday.. hahaha so I guess my intenton for the day was to stay at school and be a good student but so much for that shit.  Marley and Me left.. We went in just so we could do prom committee shiat ( all we did was go to 2 senior homerooms and let them pick to songs they want played at prom.. they were lame as shit too. lol)  anyways, not that any of that matters.. we ended up back at mar's house and then we ended up hanging out with Knepper for awhile.. awhile = 4 fucking hours in his car getting lost and ending up in VA. lmfao.  I didn't know you could laugh so much at absolutely nothing it seemed like.. if I could literally list all of the shit that we did withen that 4 hour period ( which I could.. its just REALLY early and i don't feel like racking my brain to put it all on here.. lol marley and matt know what happened. ) then I would. Anyways i went to work with Mar and her Mommy and then went over to Wally World.. got mr. Wim-Boo-Lee some COOKIES!!! lmao. Mar and I spoiled him.. we hadda make him feel better after he injured himself.  So after wally world McCabe and Trav picked us up and I hadda run back to my house and atleast like change cause I ended up getting syrup on my pants from that morning and i had DQ on my shirt.. so i'm messy.. what can i say? *shrug* ANYWAY.. lol on the way to Wim-Boo-Lee's we hit a bump and i sorta lost the cookies.. lol oops.. it's ok tho.. we still ate em. I'm sorta surpised at how long we stayed at bens.. lol  His doggie was so cute!! it kinda liked to like sit on my knee tho.. sorta had me worried it was gonna like shit on me or something. lol  lmfao.. I just remember about the limp condom sock..hahahaha.

..continuing on with my night.. lol we finally ended up going up to Hagerstown.. NEVER LET MAR AND ME RUN AROUND SPECNERS!!!!!! that's all i really gotta say about that.. lol sex toys are a goood thing.. lmao. oh yeah.. that and we're NEVER EVER EVER lettin Mar go to Tennessee.. and we'll just leave that at that.. lol.

And for some odd reason we ended up at the car wash across from CVS with some eggs we took from Mars house.. lmfao. I wonder if her rents will realize about 6 eggs we're gone? *shrug* lol.  All and all it was a pretty fucking awesome night.  I came home took my meds and passed out. And now i'm here.. about to go back to bed. lol I'm sleepy what can I say?  I might go with Mar and her Mom today prom dress shopping but i dunno.. who knows, i'll probably just end up hanging around the house with Mike today cause he's leaving for St. Louis tomorrow. =/.

Ok thats about all for my update.. If I can think of anything else I'll put it in another entry.

Oh yeah.. Travis Garns made me this awesome CD and I'm just writing myself a little ghetto reminder in here to tell him thank you and that I absolutely LOVE the cd.. it made me feel better listening to it.. Travis completes me! &hearts;

1 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

[23 Mar 2005|09:10pm]

Well I got the bad news..

 

2 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

[14 Mar 2005|06:33pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

bread2989: howdy

Auto response from Litl Cutie o4: Phone with my baby :-)

bread2989: god damb it
Litl Cutie o4: what?
bread2989: nuttin
Litl Cutie o4: lol.. ok?
bread2989: i'm jelous
Litl Cutie o4: of?
bread2989: remember
Litl Cutie o4: jealous of what?
bread2989: n/m
Litl Cutie o4: no tell me
Litl Cutie o4: you have to tell me now.. you have no choice
bread2989: lol
bread2989: i dont?
Litl Cutie o4: No, you don't
bread2989: ur away msg.
Litl Cutie o4: Oh
Litl Cutie o4: why are you jealous tho?
Litl Cutie o4: Because your not him? Or because your not with me?
bread2989: both
Litl Cutie o4: You had your chance
bread2989: WHAT!?
bread2989: i did?
bread2989: ok
bread2989: well
bread2989: igtg
Litl Cutie o4: Uh huh.. I was waiting for YOU the whole time we we're doing.. whatever we were doing.. i was waiting for you
Litl Cutie o4: alright.. later.
bread2989: noooooo
bread2989: i wana go bak to that
bread2989: :'(
bread2989: damb it ... well i guess i'm fucked up more then i thought i did
Litl Cutie o4: Not really
bread2989: ...?
bread2989: what duz that mean?
Litl Cutie o4: You didn't mess up as bad as you think..
Litl Cutie o4: but you did mess up
bread2989: mmmmm... ok
bread2989: well yeah i gtg
bread2989: i'll ttul though
bread2989: ok
Litl Cutie o4: alright, byes
bread2989: i'm realy glad u talked to me ... made my day
bread2989: bye
bread2989 signed off at 6:33:05 PM.

 

.. I mean what the hell do you say to that without becoming a bad girlfriend to you're new boyfriend? I didn't know i'd miss him like I do.. but I'm so happy with my boyfriend now.. damnit.. things can go from awesome to shitty in a matter of minutes..

 

3 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

[13 Mar 2005|01:18pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I think I'm going nuts, lol. 

LMAO.. haha I love Ace Ventura <3 They're showing the one about a disappearing football player ( Larry Finkle ) and They're on the part where Jim is about to be commited and he's acting like a batty football plater with the pink tu-tu on.. and he does his half time dance.. AND THERE GOES THE HEAD INTO THE SEAT! haha.. sorry.

 

I think I'm starting to fall for Mike.. but I'm not going to tell him.. He wants me too but I'm not going to.. o.O .. lol

 

Oh man I put on my prom dress today and I need to get some MAJOR alterations done on it.. It's like so big from me losing weight. But I'd have to say it looks fantastic on me now then it did.. Since it was orginally my homecoming dress but since I ended up not going to homecoming, my mom was able to save money and This was my Prom Dress &hearts;   And eventually i'll get around to taking pictures of it and me in it, but now i'm going to finish watching the movie and Calling Mike.

 

1 said something. Image hosted by Photobucket.com Open your mouth.

[10 Mar 2005|07:19pm]
You know you wanna
Open your mouth.

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